Uncomfortable, but Becoming.
I want to start by saying that I have been exactly 8 months sober from cannabis and 4 months single. This space I am in is quite different from anything I’ve ever experienced before. Throughout my entire adult life, I have been in some type of relationship, and I would mold my identity based on my partner. Crazy, I know, but this is a transparent blog, and these are some brutally honest reflections I’ve had to have with myself. I’ve had profound breakthroughs, and that is what allows me to bring lessons to you, the reader.
Just before breaking things off with my ex, my spirit was telling me it was time for a change in many areas of my life. I didn’t realize just how many small, and what I deemed “harmless” habits were keeping me stuck in loops that did nothing but lead me further away from God’s will. The significance of this new path I’m on has been the catalyst for a rabbit hole of deep inner reflection, realization, observation, and healing. I promised myself that this year will be the year of me and God; to be fully committed to my purpose, my healing, and my spiritual elevation.
Your Story Is Your Testimony
In June of last year, is when I decided to start learning about God more. At that point, I had been only one month sober from cannabis. I picked up the Bible; I felt nudged to do so. I started reading scripture for the first time in my life. I began listening to sermons on YouTube and studying the science of the mind. That became my anchor for the serious unpacking I began to do. To become renewed, we must clear the cabinets of the old files, meaning, clearing the mind of old wounds, thought patterns, and loops. It’s more than just “forgetting about it;” it’s tender moments of deep grief for the girl I once was, unknowingly.
I remembered moments from when I moved to Atlanta in 2021 and how out of place I often felt. I am from a small town and, to be transparent, I was in survival mode for most of my life and didn’t realize it until I came here. Seeing highly successful, beautiful, and confident women in Atlanta sometimes intimidated me. It was a mirror of everything I wasn’t, but deeply wanted to be, and it felt so far out of reach at the time.
That tender spot is where this blog begins to blossom. It’s that moment between realizing you want to be better and actually getting there. The moment when you look in the mirror and see exactly who and what you are. How many people can do that and not run and hide? Who is brave enough to be real with themselves?
Breaking Generational Trauma
I remember when I was in high school, getting ready for college, and my mom would tell me about her time in college. She dropped out with just one semester left of her senior year because, in her words, she “didn’t like it anymore.” She grew up in a small town, in a small house, with her parents, siblings, and a few more relatives. They didn’t grow up with much money, and at times, she felt shame about that. So when she went to college in a bigger city and saw students who weren’t just wealthy but who also had completely different backgrounds from hers, she felt intimidated. That intimidation created a sense of shame about where she’d come from, and that discomfort influenced her to drop out completely.
I can think of another example with my grandmother, where this same spirit of shame was present. (Excuse me for this very tender and vulnerable moment. Please know that this is a blog of real stories and reflections of myself, and it comes not from a place of pity, but from a place of triumph. I hope these stories will inspire you to realize that when you see someone who seems calm, or who looks like they “have it all together,” if you follow their roots, you will be flooded with the many stories that shaped them.)
When I was still living in North Carolina, about two years before moving to Atlanta, I was apartment shopping and decided to bring my grandmother along. The apartment was in a slightly affluent neighborhood of Raleigh, NC. My grandmother, at 70 years old, worked a lot with her hands and had a trade job. She had on her work clothes that had remnants of paint, dust, and other residue from her workday. As we walked in, the first thing that slipped from my grandmother’s lips, instead of a “hello,” was that haunting spirit of shame that seemed to take captive many women in my bloodline before me:
“I know you are probably wondering what someone like me is doing in here.”
Her gaze was low, and she had a shy smile trying to peek through, to soften the blow of the shame and feeling of not belonging. The woman at the desk looked back at her and said,
“No, I did not think that. I am glad that you are here.”
I want to stop there and bring forward the common thread I discovered through deep reflection and observation. Notice earlier where I shared that when I first moved to Atlanta, just like my mom moving from a small town to a bigger city for college, I felt intimidated by successful, confident women. I, too, experienced that spirit of shame and low confidence that was sewn deeply in my bloodline.
It is the same spirit that told my grandmother she didn’t belong in that apartment complex.
Many might look at this as a small thing that can easily be changed or think it doesn’t do too much damage to a person, right?
Look deeper.
It’s said that satan doesn’t have to attack every generation directly; it attacks one, and that wounded generation influences and raises the next. That is how generational trauma is formed:
• Growing up seeing spirits of depression,
• low self-worth,
• self-abandonment,
• self-doubt,
• and shame
…those energies raise the child, and that’s what continues the cycle.
Until the devil meets his match. The anointed one who is called to recover all that the bloodline has lost.
This brings two verses to mind:
Isaiah 58:12 (NLT)
“Some of you will rebuild the deserted ruins of your cities.
Then you will be known as a rebuilder of walls
and a restorer of homes.”
John 14:30 (NLT)
“I don’t have much more time to talk to you,
because the ruler of this world approaches.
He has no power over me.”
What do these verses mean to me in the context of breaking generational trauma? They are a description of my declaration, to myself and to the spirits that work for Satan. The trauma may have come to me, but it ends with me.
I have chosen to shine light on the darkness of that trauma and run it out of my heart, spirit, mind, body, thoughts, speech, and habits. The devil may come looking for a place to take residence, but he will find nothing. I am the one who will restore all that my bloodline has lost. I declare that with every bone and hair in my body.
This is what makes this work so special to me. The mission of Thriving Artist Studio, healing the spirit and reconnecting to the inner child, came from witnessing those I love needing spiritual healing. Doing this work through me first, and then through others, gives me deep satisfaction that the devil has no place here, or there, in the hearts of my students or my loved ones.
The Art of Forgiving
It sounds like an amazing breakthrough. Now that I’ve discovered the root, all I have to do is heal it, and everything will be okay! It sounds easy. Recognize it, heal it, move on.
What isn’t talked about enough in that process of finding the root of trauma is the moment where you want to get upset with those who came before you.
“Why didn’t they do this work themselves, so it didn’t have to be passed down to me?”
“Why did I have to be the one to break this cycle?”
"I would’ve been so much further in my life and career if I hadn’t had this trauma passed down to me. And I wouldn’t have dealt with relationships that wasnt serving to my purpose.”
I wrestled with thoughts like this for a while. I’d get angry at times that I wasn’t taught these lessons of confidence as a woman. But after the grieving and the anger comes the moment of forgiveness. I realized they didn’t have the space, language, or support to learn these lessons and discover themselves as women. And let’s be honest, this is a hard path that only a few are brave enough to walk. It requires the ability to look at yourself in your rawest, most vulnerable form.
I learned that I have been trusted with a very sacred role for my bloodline, and that this calling is actually the root and foundation of my work with Thriving Artist Studio.
I am the one who chose the road less traveled.
If generational trauma can be passed down,
then so can generational healing.
Not only did it end with me, but it is also the start of the redeeming of all that was lost.
Some Reflections for the Reader
Take a moment to reflect or journal on these questions:
Think about your own bloodline.
What are some generational traumas you are actively breaking?
Legacy vision.
How do you envision the generation after you living once you’ve healed your bloodline?
Habits to release.
What are three habits you feel you need to break to become your best self this year?
Systems breed success.
What systems do you currently have in place that set you up for success—spiritually, emotionally, and practically?
Honoring your progress.
Name five things you have accomplished that you are genuinely proud of.
I have a companion short film released on my youtube, the short film is titled “Grounding Meditation,” created at my artist residency with Hambidge Center of Creative Arts and Sciences. Follow this link: https://youtu.be/PDb6In46xkE?si=lzN1Y--e1vJ-X09p
© 2026 De’Ja Armstrong. All Rights Reserved.
