My Realization of Being Enough
The past two years have been (positively) overwhelmingly transformative for me. I could go as far to say, since I have moved to Atlanta five years ago, I have grown tremendously as a woman (and artist) and I have confronted parts of me in which I had no idea needed healing. And in the past seven months, since I broke it off with an ex boyfriend and capitalized on my single season, I have catapulted into a blackhole of shedding, grieving, forgiving, and becoming.
In the beginning of this journey, I focused solely on the death of the identities that no longer resonated with me, and the birth of the identity of the woman that moves only in her healednot wounded self. Much of the journey in the beginning dealt with me sitting with the most truly uncomfortable parts of me and getting to the head of my most toxic insecurities, ways, and perspectives. I did a lot of what I like to call “uprooting of weeds from my garden.”
But one thing I didn’t realize, until recently, that we are forever on this journey of healing and evolving. It is not a set destination or time in my life where I will FINALLY arrive. Instead, I am to be like a tree who continues to grow towards the heavens.
What a poetic view on evolving.
There was a few stages I have sat in since I have moved to Atlanta, and became who I am now. Shedding of my past selves, then grieving paired with a dose of shame, then to the forgiving, and finally arriving to the bliss of acceptance and gratitude for all that I am, who I have been, and who I will continue growing to become. I currently reside in the place where I understand that I do not have to hide my past. I see the beauty and need for my story. All that I am, the quirkiness, sensitivity, artistry, and unique gifts, are what makes me beautiful.
I can admit, I spent sometime overthinking my gift of “being child-like” in my approach on life. Until I came to the understanding that my softness, kindness, curiosity, and humbleness is a gift not a curse. As the bible says in
Matthew 18:3
“Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.”
So much of us, included myself, believe that when we heal, that it means we have to dump all parts of ourselves and completely start over and shape shift into what we “think” is acceptable. Anything but ourselves, because the healing made us think something was wrong with us.
We build a new personality, wish for new friends, and sadly remove our quirkiness, weirdness, and beautiful oddities. I have realized now that the matured process of blossoming is to lean into the gifts in which we already have. We were given our gifts and our stories for a reason, it is just up to us to maximize on it.
This brings to mind, the teaching of contentment, from my recent read “SUCCESSFUL WOMEN THINK DIFFERENTLY: 9 Habits to Make You Happier, Healthier, and More Resilient” by Valorie Burton. She speaks on the “hedonic treadmill,” how we are constantly chasing something bigger, better, and more satisfying, hoping that, the promotion, purchase, or relationship will finally bring you to happiness. She speaks on being content in wherever we are in our lives, even while we are still actively working to becoming more.
I hope today, reader, that you realize that you are just enough, and that when you pray tonight, that you thank god for your story. (even the bad parts.) I bring you back to my revelation (as said in my last blog) “It is all on purpose.” Truly all that we have been, who we are, and where we are heading is all apart of the beautiful intentional plan of God. As the bible says:
Luke 12:7, KJV
“But even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not therefore: ye are of more value than many sparrows.”
